Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Colorado Voice Mail Criticized

Anyone Can Get on the Radio Today

Although best known for being a carrier of the West Nile Virus, one would be surprised to know Peter Boyles also hosts an AM radio talk show called "The Peter Boyles Show." On this show, he has been complaining about Colorado Community Voice Mail, a program like our own Cleveland Community Voice Mail with which I am affiliated. His complaints are based entirely within the realm of fantasy, much like the works of L. Ron Hubbard (ball's in your court, scientology!).

Boyles, after dealing with whatever mild to severe symptoms associated with his mosquito-spread disease, assumed "Community Voice Mail" meant "free cell phones." From the article referenced above:

BOYLES: "Yeah, and so, how does a homeless person access a voice mail box -- some 4,000 -- unless they are given a phone?"

I included the "Yeah, and so," just to show how inarticulate he is. What he presents here is a logical argument for how he came to the realization that homeless people have cell phones. How else could they have access to a voice mail box? In much the same way one could show no symptoms and still carry the West Nile Virus, a homeless person can have no government funded cellphone and still have a voice mail box. That's how CVM works. It's for people without phones. Again, it's for people WITHOUT PHONES. From the article:

BOYLES: "Well, there's plenty of people, once again -- workaday people, hard workers, family people -- they don't have cellphones. Now how come a homeless guy -- 4,000 of them -- these phones -- were given out, Bob?"

I hate to tell you, Mr. Boyles, but your question in that last quote would give most English teachers a headache not unlike one associated with WNV (West Nile Virus). I hate to just harp on your grammar. Wait, no I don't. I love to harp on your grammar. Why? You're a bully trying to push around people actually trying to make a difference in this world. The idiocy in your inability to drawl out a logical sentence while making an ineffectual argument for a stance mired in your own accidental lies is worthy of a verbal attack not unlike the mockery brought down from the trickster gods of ancient religions.

In closing, I would like to say that next week I will have been serving for the social good for a year, and in that year, every person I have seen is smarter than Mr. Boyles. I know this because not one of them showed up to CCVM demanding a cellphone. Even if one may have thought it might be possible that they could get a cellphone, none were stupid enough to believe in an assumption strong enough to make a fool of themselves over AM radio waves.

Go back to the playground, Mr. Boyles. These are the big leagues. We know our song well before we start singing.


For more information visit the Cleveland Community Voice Mail website.

Posts by Northeast Ohio Coalition for the Homeless staff and Board.

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